12/30/13 Monday/ Sombaar

Radha's on the dance floor, Radha likes to party, Radha likes to move that sexy Radha body.

Yeah, it's going to suck, it's going to hurt, so don't think about it and just do it. Because the regret of not jumping in, that's what will really suck, and may hurt a lifetime.

I'm getting very good at daydreaming. As I sat around a program filled with such great Nepali vocabulary I didn't understand (and have realized, I probably never will), I daydreamed about lots of various, pleasant things for hours. Justai, the cool flashmob I plan on having on my wedding day, and all the delicious food spots in San Diego: TJ oyster bar, Tacos el Gordo, that one bakery in Chula Vista with the fruit cake thing... I forgot the name ahh! (#kevin#jonina), and that sandwich shop in Del Mar which I forgot the name as well (Bear, Trish, please remind me).

I'm finding that the American Standard for work ethic, praising characteristics such as taking initiative and being efficient, makes it crazy difficult for me to sustainably thrive out here. If and when I pose such standards on myself, I feel like a big loser everyday, and anything I attempt to do, I fail at, with great, uncomfortable awkwardness. What kills me is most of the time I feel a sense of expectation from the Peace Corps without any real empowerment. As if I should be able to be accomplishing certain things, but personally, alone, with fading language skills, I feel very inadequate.

And to be honest, I'm unable to accomplish anything because my room is toooooooo cold.

Looking for sustainable behavior change within myself.

Trying to understand how to maneuver around unrealistic expectations set by others.

There is a GIANT ant in my room.

Trying to keep my sense of humor, and sane self-judgment.

On that “I will survive” grind.

I hope you all are surviving, better yet, THRIVING out there where ever you are!

Love love love,

Bora

PS- Thought some of you back home would find this interesting. Today I went to the river where I bathed (awesome, and freezing), did my laundry, peed (don't worry, I showered upstream from that point), and hung my laundry on the barbed wire behind my house to dry. La!