Food for Thought

"...if you stop trying to make yourself into more than you are out of fear that you are less than you are, whoever you really are will be a lot lighter and happier, and easier to live with, too." 

-Wherever You Go, There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn, page 239

om mani padme hum

Merry Christmas / mele kalikimaka / feliz navidad to you all! <3

-Bora

This daydream is dangerous.

12/9/14

After traveling for the past 2-3 weeks to butwal, pokhara, Kathmandu, and back to dang, I was feeling so many emotions and my body and mind were literally all over the place.  As I sat on the bus heading back to my village, I wasn’t sure how I felt. I was excited to be in my own room, no longer living in hotels (at least for a little while) and I knew I was excited to see the two little girls that live with me at my home.  But as per usual, I was nervous.  I was nervous at the homecoming I might endure, nervous because I lost my host-family’s phone number and couldn’t warn them I was coming home today, and nervous to resettle into a semi-isolated village life.

Living in village is an interesting experience because I am constantly surrounded by people, but none of whom speak the same language as I.  Because of this, I can feel both socially exhausted and isolated.

That was kind of a tangent, but anyways, yes there I was, nervous, excited, and exhausted.  I got off the bus, closed my eyes for a second, swallowed a big breath, and threw on my two backpacks and started on my walk home from the bus stop. 

The whole walk home was a daze. My mind was everywhere! The sun had just set and there was little light outside.  I hadn’t been able to contact my host-family because I broke my phone and lost their numbers, so I couldn’t warn them of my arrival. My backpacks were so heavy (as were my eyes).  As I approached my home, I slowly and as quietly as I could opened the front gate and walked down our small pathway.  I entered the front door and the lights were on inside (also meaning the electricity was on, woo!!) but everyone was tucked away into their own separate bedrooms.  I could hear their small murmurs but I wasn’t sure if they had heard me enter, so I yelled out a gentle, “HELLO”.  The patter of footsteps began and as I was struggling to open my door lock in the dark, I heard a door open and a small voice yell, “FUPU!!!!!!!!” (fupu means dad’s sister in nepali).  I turned to see my two-year old nani (baby girl) dancing and yelling and running and falling. I took off my bags as quickly as I could with all its attachments around me, and picked up my nani and hugged and hugged her.  Soon after, the rest of my host-family came down stairs and greeted me.  It was one of the most meaningful homecomings I’ve ever received. 

All my reasons to be nervous were relinquished. I was back home after a long and wearisome journey, and I could feel calm inside myself again. 

Later that night I received two packages from home (like REAL Cali home), one from Joy Joy and one from Chodey Lee!  I couldn’t have felt more blessed. 

Joy Joy: Your loyalty, empathy, understanding, and relentless kindness has meant so much to me and has touched me in so many ways.  More than just the small snacks (which are powerful pick-me-ups, no doubt), your continuous kind words remind me to be kind and strong, especially on the days when I feel frustration, anger, and general loathing towards the world.  You are an incredible person and role model. Thank you for the holiday cheer.

Chodey Lee: I don’t have to search very far when I think about how much you’ve done for me (and for others).  Since I was a small peanut you and your family have been that extra support system I needed to get to where I am today.  I’m so thankful to know that after all these years I can still come back home and find a friend in you (and a very good one at that).  I hope one day I can show you how much you mean to me as you’ve done for me. I can’t wait to join you for your wedding, and I miss you a butt-ton!!!!

All in all, the motivating reason for me to post these words is this thought/question that I face every morning when I wake up.  If you know me well (or even the slightest), you know I sleep, everywhere.  I love sleep! And I’m generally just sleepy, often.  And although I can fall asleep in trains, at concerts, on cement floors, or even on top of speakers, I prefer sleeping in a nice, warm, cozy bed.  I’m lucky enough to own a nice and comfortable bed in my room here.  So the question is, why would someone who loves to sleep in a nice and comfortable bed wake up in the morning to get out and face the challenge that is the world outside? 

And on many occasions, it’s still a question without an answer, but today I feel I’ve found a decent one.  This past year in Nepal (and honestly the year before when I was in the United States as well) has been hard.  Many days were hard enough that I no longer enjoyed getting out of bed.  This was crazy to me because I have fond memories of me as a child when I couldn’t wait to wake up.  I remember I truly LOVED life.  I loved it to the point that I would wake up before my alarm and just wait there until it rang so I could jump out and start my beautiful day.  These memories in comparison with my more recent experiences were cause for questioning.  When and why has my love for “being awake” ceased?  Why don’t I jump out of bed anymore, but rather, press snooze then snooze again until I can’t hold my pee any longer and have to get out to use the bathroom?  Will I ever love life again, the same way I used to as a child?

I was beginning to lose hope (perhaps I did lose it for a little bit), but last night and this morning reminds me that, yes, I can learn to LOVE life again, just as I had when I was a child.  As I grew into my 20-something year old self, I became an over-thinker, a worrier, a critic- someone who couldn’t shake away the reality of disaster and destruction in the world.  I’ve always been an empathetic child, but my empathy began to translate in unhealthy ways as I grew older.  If someone else was in grief or pain, I too deserved to feel such grief and pain.  The problem is, there will always be someone experiencing pain on any given day.  The reality however, is that pain can dissipate, and happiness and joy and general good cheer is also a part of the reality of the world.  As I grew older with my “skill” of empathy, I began to forget the good parts of life and began to focus on the troubles.  I began to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders, and I refused to let it go. 

But I think it’s about time for me to let it go. 

Always learning,

Bora

to be victorious

You must find glory in the little things.
You'll find a greater love in the little things.
-Janelle Monae

I'm on my way back to my village from Kathmandu where I stayed for a week to complete my mid-service training (MST). The final training after MST is Close of Service Conference (COS) which will most likely take place next July or August.

I'm looking forward to spending time with my naniharu (baby girls) at home in village and throwing a Christmas party at my health post. Hopefully I can figure out a way to bake some cakes without an oven.

Thanksgiving also passed a few weeks ago. I hope everyone had a nice thanksgiving and didn't kill too many turkeys ;).

Hi

Holy moly am I computer illiterate or what?? I mean look at the size of those photos geezzz laweezz. I thought they were going to be smaller, my apologies everyone. I'm also embarrassed that you all can see my face so enlarged. Eeep,

Anyways, shout out to UCLA. I see your sweater walking around in a bazaar in little ol' Dang, Nepal. Oakland is also well represented out here on a popular sweater.  Who would've known we were so internationally known? ;)

-Bowa

Cambodia pictures- a brief and overdue update

Hi everyone,

I'm here in Tulsipur bazaar, having finished a piece of roti and milk tea for breakfast.  I'm waiting for my counterpart (aka Nepali friend) to call me then we will be on our way to work on the production of more improved cook stoves for village families.  Improved cook stoves replace open mud stoves --which produces an unhealthy amount of smoke-- with mud stoves that have chimneys attached.  With the attachment of a chimney, smoke should find its way up and outside the home rather than filling the lungs of the cooks.

I don't have much to say right now.
Just sorta bored so I felt I should update those who read this blog.

Shout out to Miss Dung Lana Phi for the care package that arrived yesterday for me! I didn't realize how much I love Goldfish crackers until yesterday. Thank you so much for the munchies; I'll eat them well, I promise! And hopefully I will ration it so it's not gone by the end of this week.

These are well overdue, but here are some photos of my trip to Cambodia back in July 2014.

Stay classy my loves.


-Bora

On my bus ride today

On my bus ride from Butwal to Kathmandu...

a pig crossed the highway,
later a family of ducks,
then we passed a tribe of monkeys,
but before that we passed an elephant,
then I watched a lady carrying a very large bag of stuff using the side of her face,
then we passed a man beating a lady on the head,
and we forgot our bus conductor at a bus stop,
but he hitched a ride with a pick up truck and caught up to us and jumped back on,
then I almost got left behind after our lunch stop because I eat so slow,
and early on we passed a dead dog,
then at the tail end of our trip we passed another dead dog,
and we crossed the london bridge (said the nepali sign),
and I ate a cucumber from a street vendor,
and just before we entered Kathmandu we were passed up by a motorcycle gang with go-pro cameras on their helmets.

Definitely different from my bus rides in the United States.