Here We Are

On May 10^th, 2015, I arrived home in California.  Peace Corps volunteers and trainees have been temporarily evacuated from Nepal due to the great seismic activity that destroyed many homes and took many lives, and continues to shake the Himalayan country today.  Please continue to pray for those who still mourn the loss of their friends and family members, as well as all the families still without shelter.

Since being home, I’ve been chanting to myself to take life “one day at a time”.  How important a simple phrase has been in guiding me throughout this crazy journey we call life (jivan).  Every single day has been different.  Every new or repeated thought in my head takes me down a different road of feeling. 

This past weekend I made a loop of the Bay Area.  This area, so familiar yet still so mysterious to me, is full of culture, inspiration and excitement.  This is an area I’ve identified with all my life.  It’s where I was born and raised and refer to as home.  This is why I find it so incredible that a mere 20 months living in Nepal has changed so sharply my perspective of “home”.  There has and still is a part of my heart that longs for a life lived in this area.  There is so much left here for me to discover, explore, EAT, and strive for. 

Yet, when I walked into my physical house after a (more than) relaxing weekend, I felt a pang in the other side of my heart—a side that didn’t exist until the past few years.  My best friend in Nepal will turn three years old in a month, and today I crave her company.  I miss being her auntie, as well as the few but very strong relationships I built with some incredible people in Nepal. 

And still yet, although I know I will most likely be able to return to Nepal on June 20^th, I’m anxious, which I hope others can understand.  I mean, unfortunately I’m not very thrilled to get dropped off into a life of cold baths, crammed buses, and moldy sheets all over again.  I’m anxious that once I begin to gain a sense of acclimation to California, I will find myself needing to readjust back to a much more devastated world. 

I’m learning, I’m challenged, and I own a greater understanding of gratitude.  I’m honored and thankful.  Here I am—a part of my heart here, a part of my heart there—a little stuck in the middle of somewhere. One day at a time.